Request for the Navy Cross

Request letter for Navy Cross for SEC
5 June, 1999
Commandant, USMC
Washington, DC

Sir: I need a small favor. I need a letter explaining why the United States Marine Corps can NOT-repeat-NOT decorate my cat with the Navy Cross.

Seems the 7 ½ pound family kitty got tired of being chased up a tree by the local 75 pound fleabag collie and opened the Giant Imperial (get 16 ounces free) can of Whuppass on him. Quite frankly, it was the best damned fight I ever saw, and there isn’t a marine that wouldn’t have taken his hat-belay that-cover off to the little guy.

A couple of days later, the owner of the vanquished foe approached me and demanded that I write him out a check to defray his vet bill. My reply was simple: “Sue me. The only thing I’m writing is a letter to the Marine Corps putting the cat in for the Navy Cross!” That settled things then and there. And it did. That part of the issue is closed.

Except one of the neighborhood kids heard me and put word out at the bus stop that Mr. Black is writing the Marines to get his kitty a medal.

Ouch.

Those kids think I’m a real hero because last spring I hit a baseball over the phone wires.(It broke a grouchy neighbor’s window, too, which made me a bigger hero.) That, plus the time I chased a bully off. Those kids look at me the same way a marine looks up to Chesty Puller! (They also don’t tear my yard up on Halloween, either.)

I’m damned well not going to lie to those kids.

If I said I’m putting Tokie in for the Navy Cross, I’m putting him in for the Navy Cross.

As the leader of an organization that prides itself on integrity, you can understand. Incidentally, this letter is not to be misconstrued in any way to be any form of insult or injury to any of the brave service people that have been awarded any of the various decorations for courage while in harm’s way. I also feel you should know that I have a very serious side I quite often write my senators (Santorum and Specter) and my representative (Coyne) to make sure you get what you need. They don’t always listen, but I try. I’m constantly amazed with the excellent job the Corps does with a lousy seven percent of the DOD budget.

With thanks to the always faithful,

Piccolo